I was very close to being publicly disgraced about two weeks ago.
I
took a few hours off work to get some items in Lagos island, balogun
market to be specific. On my way, i realized i was really farting but i
was all alone by myself in the car so i allowed my fart to flow freely
to the extent that i was almost choking me,it was at that point that i
gave myself brain and turned off the ac so i could wind down the
windows. This was very unusual because i hadn't had anything to eat and i
didn't have dinner the previous night, so i was wondering what was
going on, little did i know that nature had a surprise waiting for me.
I
got to the market, parked my car and started my journey, i started
walking and i was still farting, but this time around, i had to control
it and made it as noiseless as possible,(i'm sure y'all know what i
mean]. Then all of a sudden, it felt like the pressure of the fart made a
u-turn to my stomach and i started having cramps. I managed to continue
walking until i got to my destination, i took a seat and waited for the
woman to bring out what i wanted to buy, then i started sweating
profusely and couldn't concentrate, the woman was also taking so much
time and i told her that i had to leave and promised her i would come
back. My plan was to look for the nearest toilet available to "do the
deed" but the woman obviously felt that i wanted to leave without
patronising her so i had to drop the polythene bag i was holding as
surety.
I stepped out of her shop and started looking
for a bike to take me to the nearest eatery, i stood and was wondering
why there was no bike and then i remembered that our dear Governor had
banned bikes. So i started walking towards an eatery and at this point i
felt like i was going to poo in my pants, to make matters worse i was
wearing a skirt and i knew if it happened there will be no barrier for
the poo.
I got to Tastee Fried Chicken and there was a
crowd there, it was around break time and so there were a lot of men and
women dressed in suit having lunch. I knew where the rest room was but i
didn't want to make it obvious by going there immediately, so i decided
to join the queue for food, then after a few minutes, i headed for the
restroom. When i got there, there was a woman who just got into the
toilet and as soon as she entered, she exclaimed "Ki-ni eleyi?, ko si
omi ni toilet yi sha" meaning what is this? there is no water in this
toilet! My jaw almost dropped, i immediately made a u-turn and dashed
out. I then decided to try out chicken republic, which was 3 minutes
walk from tfc, i crossed the road and walked into chicken republic and
as soon as i got in, i looked round and saw more good looking guys
having lunch,then i composed myself and tried to look normal. I looked
round and couldn't find their restroom so i joined the queue. When it
was my turn, i ordered chik wizz because i knew that it would take about
10 minutes to be ready for it to be ready so in the meantime, my plan
was to use their restroom then come back for my order. After i made my
order, like i predicted, the cashier/attendant told me it will take 10
minutes so i said ok, and asked for where the restroom was and he said
it was outside the building, i managed to compose myself and co-ordinate
my fart as i headed for the door. I stepped out and asked the security
man at the door for the restroom and in his words he said "Madam, the
toilet no work today", i thought i didn't hear him clearly so i asked
again and he repeated the same words and i said thank you. At that point
i just felt like crying because i didn't know what else to do, I was
devastated, i couldn't imagine pooing in my pants, different kind of
thoughts came to my mind as i stood in front of chicken republic
thinking of the next line of action.
I looked across
and i saw gtbank. I then remembered that i know someone who works there,
i crossed the road and entered the bank. It was also crowded as usual
so i approached the security personnel and mentioned the name of the
person i wanted to see to him. He responded and said “She no dey this
branch again, they don transfer her since March”. As soon as I heard
that I just concluded within myself that I was really gonna poo in my
pants. I knew I could use their restroom but I didn’t know how to go
about it. I chilled for some seconds and then walked up to the same
security personnel again and asked if I could use the restroom, he
pointed to it and I walked towards it, the location is pretty obvious
but it covered by a banner so I didn't see it early enough. As soon as I
stepped in, I checked if there was water and tissue and after I
realized that there was, I proceeded to do the DEED, it was such a
relief. I timed myself because I didn’t want anyone watching me to have
the impression that I was pooing, so I ensured I was done in
approximately 4 mins.
After I finished, I walked
briskly towards the door and took a deep breath, I retraced myself to my
customers shop, got what I needed to get and headed to the car park,
got into the car and drove off.
I always hear stories
like this but never experienced it, this is one I will not forget in a
LONG TIME, more than ever before i am convinced that "Shit business is
serious business".
Thanks for stopping by.
